Models of cohabitation
Before illustrating some models of cohabitation, let's quickly analyze the "single" lifestyle model, both for men and women. The main individual needs are:
1. The company;
2. Freedom (independence of individuality);
3. Sex;
4. Being cared for (him, in the current social mentality);
5. Protection (her, in the current social mentality);
6. Economic independence;
7. The need for help (mutual assistance).
8. Moderate affluence;
9. Work;
10. Respect;
11. Comfort in one's own home;
Living with oneself
One might think that living with oneself could be the only reliable option, because it does not involve differences in viewpoints, culture, education, etc.
At first glance, everything seems to confirm what has been said: in fact, living with oneself, within one's own intimate and social life, offers total freedom of action and behavior; in the intimacy of one's own home, one can neglect etiquette and any other prohibition, moral or otherwise, without offending anyone; personal secrets are truly such; one can give free rein to one's little vices (there is no individual in the world who does not have them), etc.
However, one must never forget that "all that glitters is not gold": in fact, living well with oneself is among the most difficult things to achieve because:
a) You have to balance the accounts simultaneously with the conscious and the unconscious;
b) Absolute freedom allows any kind of perversion, also because it guarantees personal secrecy, commonly called "privacy." And, since everything tends to improve day by day, this way of being, if not carefully controlled (control which consists in the imposition of certain rules, or, if you prefer, limitations of freedom), can lead to needs that make the personality no longer adaptable to a different coexistence;
c) You cannot lie to yourself, and when you manage to do so you feel dissatisfied with your own behavior, so you do not have a good relationship with yourself.
d) Only serenity can bring relief to the life of a "single" person; serenity means above all the fulfillment of every personal need, and among these needs is self-esteem, provided it is shared by those who make up one's private and social environment.
Living with oneself can take on more or less varied forms, depending on whether it is a him or a her.
Him. Living alone on an average salary, the man can meet the needs corresponding to points 2, 6, 9, and 11. With commitment, good will, a predisposition for work, and ambition for his own dignity, he can make up for point 4 (it would be about time, however, for him to eliminate this point from his life model forever, because it is due only to a form of unjust privilege handed down by an unjust mentality developed by unjust and overbearing ancestors). He can lessen the need for point 7 if he is lovable and surrounded by close friends and sincere relatives. He can satisfy part of point 1 through friends, but when he finds himself home alone... he feels the lack of some presence, which can only be satisfied by someone living with him. Point 3, essential for the man, remains truly unmet, even though it can be alleviated by visiting a prostitute (which, among other things, involves a large expense, without offering the affectionate satisfaction made up of those caresses that often fulfill more than any other service).
She. Living alone with an average salary, the woman can satisfy points 2, 6, 9, and 11 (even if not as fully as the man, due to the unfair prejudices of social mentality towards women). She can lessen the need for point 7 if she is lovable and surrounded by close friends and sincere relatives (For this point, generally, women find more willingness in others, but must deal with opportunism and predators). She can satisfy part of point 1 through friends, but when she finds herself home alone... she feels the lack of some presence, which can only be satisfied by a cohabiting person. Women are much more disadvantaged than men regarding point 8. Very few manage to easily overcome this point. Point 5 should not exist; unfortunately, due to her nature as a woman (capable of providing sexual satisfaction to any man) and the overbearing and disrespectful society in which she lives, she needs it, and this point remains an unsolved problem for her. She may find occasional help from her father or some special friend, but when she closes her home door... protection is lacking, and fear makes her feel very fragile and insecure. Point 3 exists in her as in men, but generally and perhaps mistakenly, it is believed to be less felt. In any case, for her it remains a difficult problem to solve, also because, even if she wanted to imitate men, "male prostitutes" do not exist, or at least, under various names, are still reserved for those dissolute women of a certain class. If a woman wanted to and could, it would be enough for her to let a man know she is available, and she would certainly have no problem with sexual satisfaction, especially if attractive; unfortunately, due to the usual unfair inherited prejudices, if she did so, point 10 would be irreparably compromised: she would be considered by men themselves and by society as the most experienced prostitute and would be deprived of her respectability; therefore, she must be very careful to whom she gives herself and the system she uses to do so. A fair knowledge of male psychology is essential for this purpose, especially if combined with an excellent knowledge of oneself. Be careful, because we often mistakenly believe we know ourselves.
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Therefore, living with oneself, in addition to the difficulty due to confronting ourselves, is very unstable, and thus requires a "support" that can guarantee a certain stability. In Italy and in many other countries, the common thinking of social mentality, supported by state laws, is that an individual's life finds stability in pairing with another individual of the opposite sex. However, history and everyday experiences (with over 40% of separations recorded, and in the other 60%, only a very few couples prove to be serenely reliable) cause the common concept of the couple to miserably fail; such failure leads the individual to seek serenity, through various analyses of behavior and possible remedies for the presumed "mistakes" identified: all of this, however, always takes place with precise reference to the he-she couple, and not to other possible forms of cohabitation that might offer that serene stability everyone longs for. Everyone seeks happiness, everyone seeks serenity, everyone seeks stability, and everyone wants to "bring it in, whether willingly or not," into the couple as conceived. Happy, yes, but in the he-she couple; serene, yes, but in the he-she couple; stability, yes, but in the he-she couple. This is exactly where the mistake lies: if a table with two legs cannot stand, it is useless to keep it a little here and a little there, it is useless to hope for a future spontaneous adjustment, it is useless to waste time studying a hypothetical solution for its stability without adding other elements: the only way could be to fix the legs of the table to the ground (depriving it of its characteristic mobility) or at least brace it with another leg.
The second solution, in fact, is the one chosen by many couples considered "happy and stable": only that each of the two does it secretly, without the other's knowledge. Those couples who instead do it openly (or who, in any case, sooner or later are found out) break up due to the loss of one of the two partners. And you end up back at square one, just like the usual dog chasing its own tail.
The solution must be sought in any changes to the mistaken conception that people in today's society have of coexistence, love, respect, esteem, dignity, etc.; it must be sought in any modification of education aimed at controlling selfish instincts, possessiveness, jealousy, envy, and all the malice that threatens the mind; in short, it must be sought in changing the current mentality, which has proven inadequate for the serenity of both spirit and body.
Let us therefore continue our analytical review of the probable ways of coexistence.
Living together as a couple
Couple Him-Her. Stability could be good if both had the same concept of love; if neither suffered from jealousy, especially not morbid jealousy; if both had the same mentality, upbringing, and culture; if each respected the individuality of the other (requirements listed in point 2); if both had the same concept of respect and applied it politely (point 10); if both had a job, together or separately, but of the same kind and with the same hours, otherwise there would be misunderstanding (point 9); if each admitted the independence of the other's individuality (point 2); if both had common interests to fight monotony and overcome loneliness (point 1); if both were sociable and their friends were shared (point 1); if neither limited the other's free behavior out of jealousy or other reasons (point 2); if both had the same conception of sex and each respected the other's needs, a situation that could only occur if both had similar sexual needs (point 3); if neither made sex an object of betrayal (points 2, 3, 8, and 10); if he did not expect to be served, that is, "taken care of," and she was smart enough to make him understand this with love (point 4); if he did not act spineless and made her feel his courage and ability to take responsibility (point 5); if there was a decent financial serenity at home (point 8); and many other things.
As you can see, the couple's relationship is threatened by many pitfalls and requires an endless number of conditions. And even if luck is on their side, one must hope that nature does not break it through illness or death. A surviving partner, whether him or her, will hardly be able to rebuild a new relationship with the necessary peace of mind.
Male-male couple. Such a couple could have several purposes, depending on the sexual tendencies of each of the two. Based on this principle, we will briefly review the possible combinations.
1. Both heterosexual. Mutual cohabitation with the aim of alleviating loneliness and improving living conditions by reducing expenses and doubling income (double monthly salary). According to the needs of the male (listed in "living with oneself"), point 8 would improve; point 1 would be alleviated; point 2 would be very limited at home, but would remain unchanged outside the home; point 6 would be limited, because one would, for better or worse, have to be accountable to the cohabitant; point 4 would be reduced due to the division of duties or because together it would be possible to hire a part-time person for the purpose; point 3 would remain unchanged; point 11 would be limited. The stability of such cohabitation would be threatened by point 3, whose satisfaction would often require the place to be free; by point 2 if there were moral prejudices about behavior in the intimacy of the home; by point 6 if one were not particularly flexible, understanding, available, and not envious. It could only work if both had a lot of mutual respect; shared interests, mentality, culture, and the same type of upbringing; the same concept of respect; in short, except for sex and jealousy, all those characteristics listed regarding the him-her couple.
2. Both homosexual. Even with some variations, the situations described regarding the he-she couple are repeated, but the relationship would prove to be much more delicate due to its particular nature.
3. Both bisexual. It can be the most stable among cohabiting relationships between two people, provided that both have the intelligence, caution, and altruism necessary to share everything without jealousy, lovers included.
4. One heterosexual, the other homosexual. The situation described in combination 1 (both heterosexual) is repeated, but even more intelligence and open-mindedness is required from the heterosexual, in order to understand the diversity of their partner and accept it naturally, especially regarding their friendships and sexual intimacy.
5. One heterosexual, the other bisexual. Quite stable because it would be based on the model of combination 3, in which both are bisexual. An important precaution concerning the heterosexual member is that they must be very considerate of their partner's different partners.
6. One homosexual, the other bisexual. Rather unstable mainly due to the homosexual component, which, sooner or later, would end up "exploding" because of the partner's relationships with the other sex.
In any case, it is obvious that any kind of relationship would last if everyone were so altruistic and intelligent as not to hinder the freedom and needs of the other.
She-she couple. A couple composed in this way can have several purposes, depending on the sexual tendencies of each of the two, just as happens with the he-he couple.
Here too, we will briefly review the possible combinations.
1. Both heterosexual. Mutual cohabitation with the aim of alleviating loneliness and improving living conditions by reducing expenses and doubling income (double monthly salary). According to the needs of the female (listed in "living with oneself"), point 8 improves; point 1 is alleviated; point 2 is very limited at home, remains unchanged outside the home; point 5 improves; point 3 remains unchanged; point 11 is limited. The stability of such cohabitation is threatened by point 3, whose satisfaction will often require the place to be free, and by the male's sexual morbidity: in fact, it is very likely that a possible friend of either will try to seduce the other, especially if she is pretty; by point 2 if there are moral prejudices about behavior in the intimacy of the home. It can only work if both have a lot of mutual respect; shared interests, mentality, culture, and education of the same type; the same concept of respect; in short, except for sex and jealousy, all those characteristics listed regarding the he-she couple.
2. Both homosexual. Even with some variations, the situations described regarding the man-woman couple can be repeated, but the relationship would be much more delicate due to its particular nature. Within certain limits, it would prove to be more stable than the man-man type of relationship.
3. Both bisexual. It would be the most stable among two-person cohabitation relationships, provided both have the intelligence, caution, and altruism to be able to share everything without jealousy, including lovers. All aspects would improve.
4. One heterosexual, the other homosexual. The situation described in combination 1 (both heterosexual) is repeated, but more intelligence and open-mindedness would be required from the heterosexual woman in order to understand her partner's diversity and accept it naturally.
5. One heterosexual, the other bisexual. Quite stable because it would be based on the model of combination 3, in which both are bisexual. An important precaution regarding the heterosexual partner is that they must be very considerate of their partner's different partners, and, above all, very discreet.
6. One homosexual, the other bisexual. Rather unstable mainly due to the homosexual component, which, sooner or later, would end up "exploding" because of the partner's relationships with the opposite sex.
Living together as three
Living together as three, in any case and in any form, requires extraordinary intelligence; exceptional maturity; a deep understanding of love and a strong desire to live it fully in an altruistic way; the total absence of jealousy and envy; a deep love for art and the desire to study it, especially that concerning image and music; an awareness of the beauty of the human body, whether male or female; a profound sensitivity to eroticism; a particular sensitivity to the pleasure provoked by sexual games and appropriate, respectful uninhibitedness; the concept of mutual respect; the knowledge of the pleasure one feels in giving and in being useful to others; a love for learning and the willingness to offer oneself, sometimes as students, sometimes as teachers; honesty, rationality, and a deep sense of justice; being rationally convinced supporters of the motto "One for all, all for one"; feeling the desire to cultivate one's mind in order to improve one's personality.
Trio Him-Him-Him. Such a coexistence would be difficult to sustain. A condition that could allow for a possible adaptation would be the homosexuality of at least two of them. But a lot of understanding would be required from the heterosexual. Points 1, 7, and 8 would be of particular value; except for point 2, all the others would certainly be encouraged to improve.
Trio Lei-Lei-Lei. Even with some variations due to gender differences, for this type of cohabitation what was said about the combination him-him-him would apply.
Trio Him-Him-Her. If all the members had the required characteristics, this type of cohabitation would turn out to be one of the most stable among the possible ones. With the exception of point 2, all the others would reach high levels of improvement. An essential condition would be her indiscriminate sexual availability and her predisposition to the most varied experiences, possibly even homosexual ones. The standard of living (point 8) would experience an excellent leap in quality. Among the threats to this type of cohabitation would be the possible loss of her. The relationship would be more stable if the two men were heterosexual or bisexual; less stable if one of the two men were homosexual; unstable if both men were homosexual.
Trio Him-Her-Her. For this type of cohabitation, everything said for the previous combination (him-him-her) would also apply, but for this combination, other threats, in addition to the risk of losing him, would come from sex: in fact, if the two women were very sexually active, the only man would not be able, on his own, to satisfy them; a likely solution in this case would be bisexuality between the two women or their low need for physical intimacy.
Living together as four
Double couple: quartet He-She-He-She. This would represent the highest level of stability in terms of cohabitation. Point 8 would become medium-high, with the possibility of reaching luxury. The stability of the balance would make the relationship harmonious and versatile. Economic serenity and psychophysical relaxation would constitute the highest level of well-being. The way of living at home could take on various forms: the living room could be transformed into a large bedroom and everyone could sleep together, or as separate couples in different rooms, or in various other ways. This combination could afford to live in a single, spacious house and lead a positive life in every respect, precisely because, given the complete situation of equality, it does not foresee frustrations of any kind. No particular conditions of bisexuality would be necessary for any of the members, although possible bisexuality would greatly favor understanding. A threatening situation could be represented by possible homosexuality among the members.
Different combinations of the quartet would prove to be not very functional.
Quartet Him-Him-Him-Her. It would be rather unstable, but it could work: everything would depend on the actual presence of the woman, able to satisfy the needs of her three cohabitants. The possible loss of the woman would destroy the cohabitation. Stability would increase significantly if all the cohabitants were bisexual.
She-She-She-He Quartet. It would be rather unstable, but it could work if all the females were bisexual, and perhaps with a greater tendency toward homosexual relationships than heterosexual ones. The loss of the male would obviously spoil the combination, but the relationship would be almost immediately reestablished due to the ease with which other males would accept such a favorable arrangement, at least for them.
Living together as five
The stability of the quartet represents a maximum of reliability beyond which it decreases. Therefore, the quintet, even if it were still acceptably stable and convenient, would certainly be less so than the perfectly balanced quartet him-her-him-her. Beyond the quintet, living together would become truly difficult and would take on the characteristics of a community, understood as a relatively large group of people sharing a certain ideology, who decide to live together. Should their intimacy reach the level of free sexual relationships, it would soon fall apart due to the emergence of each individual's selfish instinct, because the members would prove to be immature and lacking the necessary requirements for such coexistence. Understanding each other and trying to find a valid solution for many different minds would be very difficult, indeed impossible.
Therefore, the quintet could be considered the possible limit for multiple cohabitation. The requirements would be the same as those needed for the quartet and the possible combinations are more varied, but only two are the most reliable.